Oh, Thank You, MAGA—An Ode to Your Immigrant Crusade

Ah, my dear MAGA patriots, what sincere gratitude I owe! Your steadfast crusade to send back our undocumented neighbors (and even a few documented ones, just to be thorough) deserves the highest praise. Indeed, how noble of you to cleanse our streets and towns, for you’ve rid us of those dreadful souls who were—can you imagine—buying junk houses, renovating them with relentless sweat, and scandalously driving our property values skyward!

Truly, the horror of a vibrant neighborhood with freshly painted homes, blooming gardens, and families adding zest and life—who could bear it? Thankfully, you’ve saved us from such aesthetic assaults, protecting the sanctity of dilapidation and preserving the heritage of sagging roofs and peeling paint, just as our forefathers surely intended.

And how can I forget the culinary threats you’ve thwarted? Thanks to you, no longer must we endure tantalizing aromas wafting from taco trucks parked dangerously close to our lunch breaks. No more will we suffer through the hardship of authentic enchiladas or delectable pupusas. Instead, we may now blissfully return to microwaving frozen dinners in isolation, as tradition dictates.

You’ve heroically rid us of those industrious dreamers whose relentless labor filled farms and factories, hospitals and hospitality, construction sites and classrooms. Our economy can finally rejoice in the absence of billions they selfishly added to our GDP. Truly, who needs thriving businesses and job creation when we have your steadfast commitment to purity?

And education—oh, MAGA, bless you for rescuing our children from the horror of diverse classrooms. No longer will they suffer learning empathy or—worse still—other languages. Imagine the confusion they’d face when navigating an increasingly globalized world. You’ve assuredly returned them to blissful ignorance, secure within the echo chambers we cherish.

So here’s to you, MAGA, protectors of stagnation, defenders of decay, champions of exclusion! You’ve shown us the undeniable truth: America can indeed be great again—just emptier, quieter, lonelier, and far less tasty.

My sincerest “thanks,” as bitter and dry as the unseasoned meals we now proudly consume.

https://www.markthoughts.net/post/what-immigrants-bring-to-the-american-table-a-discussion-worth-having